Sadness underneath me

For ever it seemed, we weren't meant to be.
You were high, I was high
But on different things it seems...
I need an escape
So do you...
But no matter the conclusion
it may amount to...
The inevitable is clear
So here are the tears...
and the clearness is seen...

I run to my mothers room
You run to your own world...
Invisible walls, for-lorning to be heard
explored...healed...
I am here, writing this to you
As you glamorize your habits with yourself
In your past lements...
And every tree has a hole...
And every rose has a thorn
And still it makes me wonder..
what about the pain?
How are you and I different?

Because we were so in love
so in love, so in love, so in love..
So much that we constantly hurt ourselves..
And with your habits
And with your choices...
And with your words...
i feel stabbed
By your words so declared
"Not now..not ever...dont know..."

And O how this makes me wonder...

I want a man who has boundaries...
i want a fence, a protection, a mountain, a hill...
I want YOU to know...and stop making me wonder..and perhaps dream

But i cant pull this knot it seems
And it makes me want to cry...
and yet your near...near your pipe it seems
Relying on comfort, instead of yourself
Crying again...Because your sister died...
And I said I think she would want better

But who am I to wonder...and behave this way?
And scream into your ear
to hear you say. fuck you...
Who am I, but simply chemistry?
A girl who once held your eery dreams
but
Your sister is gone,
And she stares from heaven
And maybe she knows...
and maybe she doesnt know...
And maybe shes fine...not knowing...

But alas, the wind is here
And here with you still
As you breathe in,
and breathe out, and breathe in...
The ground beneath your feet
Your soul planted to the earth
Your mother is still steps close
And so am I...
And our troubles wont ..blow away...
My chest...your chest...will always know...
What we are...today

And the moon that will always beam
Can never change the truth

With this habit of yours
of comfort and of comfortable knowing....

And if you listen wisely
And change the atitudes of your perceptions of me
Because its not how I see you
That bothers me...
Its how you placed your faith in your choices
And how You changed them...
we are so similar
and so unfair
and so stupid
Thinking with our fears, or our egos...
and instead of our minds

this will bring me so much more pain
I can see, the cliff already
today i know you and I
are ill...and in the rain...

so you and i
are bad for each other.
Like ice with fire...
and vice versa
I need stability
That you cant OFFER
You want acceptance
That I apparently cant offer...
You cant even offer me reasonable limitations
Only diluted thoughts
with endless loop holes
with endess endless loop holes

You need stability
I need to grow

I need to detach from my past
You need to get through your past
My body hurts
and your anxious
And we are like birds with clipped wings
And your only survival is your weed
the source in which;
You
Know how to fly
Is something you cant do
without it
Right now...perhaps.
"Dont know"
And I have plans ahead of me
Dreams that depend on me
Hopes that need GROUNDED strength
In which I cant possibly PULL from you
if not for weed...because you are weak
And you MIGHT always be WEAK.
And I might always be a thorn to your weaknesss...
a boulder,
in the way of ever changing road
of an ever changing course
of an ever changing you...

So much indecision, (Dont know..maybe)
is that right for me?
Is that right for you?????
If i failed...you
By not being more empathetic
Should I risk more days
to get solidity from you
because if i am not the one you love
shouldnt i deserve it?
Or should i just take it?
What would be better?

God what should i do?